Dreams and Fears


“You may say I’m a dreamer… but I’m not the only one..I hope someday you’ll join us…and the world will be as one.”

For many years I practically idolised that quote. It made me feel safe, comfortable and accepted in my state of constant mind wandering and almost narcissistic realm of dreaming of all the weird and wonderful things I want to achieve in life. It was as though John Lennon was helping me acknowledge my creative mind and reassuring me that  the realm I spent many irreversible moments wandering in, would magically takeover my real lucid life one day…Obviously as you can imagine it never did.

Bearing in mind I’m drawing my own meaning from the quote, and I’m interpreting them in a completely subjective way; I’m probably starting to sound a tad bit delusional and extremely abstract minded but I can assure you, and myself I’m as sane as the average human being could possibly be.

My reference to dreams seems quite intense. However I’m using the word quite loosely to describe everything from the occasional day dream to the time spent conjuring up what seemed like insightful rewarding actions/activities to partake in; only to have never really actually put the thoughts, ‘dreams’ into action.

I just went beyond procrastination… I dreamt….but even worse got stuck in my day dreams. Its taken me awhile to realise this, but it may be at the root of my, and many peoples grave procrastinating habits.

Its never really halted my life in anyway nor affected my work, it has however unknowingly been this massive log in the road to achieving my yearly goals. My relative passivity in the action department went unnoticed for many years; as I hid it behind my charismatic mouth, and pretty mediocre life, that by social standards were quite adequate enough.

Dreaming in my books, has actually been a form of Fear. Quite a subtle one nonetheless a way in which I halted myself from achieving even the most minute of goals, by subconsciously convincing myself that dreaming is/was enough.

The truth is dreaming is never enough, not even close. Its necessary, but in micro quantities in the big scheme of things. Its the brainchild, but not the product of accomplishment.

The last few months of my life have been a migraine and a half, and filled with the prospect of massive changes for 2015… all of which require that I leave my ever so present retreat haven of unproductiveness behind …permanently.

I humbly accept the challenge

So ‘adios’ to the mindless minutes spent dreaming, and ‘beun dia’ to the now-to-be-explored world of …accomplishment? Following through with ideas? Letting go of many fears? Stepping out the realm!  Let me stop Imagining the possibilities, and actually rather start seeing them in action!

Cheers to 2015, the year of possibilities


My month with a little bit of make up


Its been awhile since I’ve posted. Well actually it’s been aeons, and its only my second post.

My whole affair with make up… lets just say it went through a tumultuous patch, and it ended. Well its currently just a weekend special/one night affair/whatever you want to call it – type of association now.

Let me give you a brief recap. I challenged myself to wear makeup for  a full month to pretty much any and everywhere I went, except the gym. After the first week, my face broke out… not your run of the mill stress pimples, I mean like major ant hill type of pimples scattered all over my face, and to make matters worse I was reminded why the dermatologist had once upon a time classified my skin type as SENSITIVE. My  skin developed a mild reaction to one of the make up products I used. It then took another two weeks to restore my skin to a somewhat acceptable level/ However the ant hills were not going to disappear without a trace , and kindly left me two new ‘lovely ‘facial blemishes. This in turn led me running back to my tormentor to cover them up hence the one night affairs with make up.

Okay, perhaps I’m being a tad overly dramatic. It wasn’t that bad retrospectively. However I have realised that the daily ritual of make up wearing is just not for me. Its a tedious art, that if not done properly can leave your ‘under skin’ looking and feeling terrible.

That being said, on the up side (yes there is an up side), I gained a small admiration for the way make up could glam up my face for those special occasions, and how it acted as a rescue remedy to temporarily cover up those hideous pimples until they decided to vacate my face.

I also have to give a massive shout out to all the girls that are keeping up with the demands of having a daily made up face. Its quite the full time job… whew.

over the last two months, I’ve had everything and nothing in my head , so will probable pour out my ramblings over the next couple of posts. I can assure you “make up” is not one of them.

I still have to give Make Up one last shout out. So I will grudgingly admit this. Not so Dear MAKE UP, you are definitely a temporary confident booster.

My month with make up


“I love the confidence that makeup gives me.”  – Tyra Banks

Makeup… never in a million years would I have thought that my first blog entry would ever have any slight relation to that 6 letter word. I always imagined it would be about something inspirational like ” how to go from zero to hero in 15 minutes over your work tea-break” or something to that effect.

Truth is this entry doesn’t really have much to do with makeup. It has more to do with the inner feelings or reactions makeup can evoke in the wearer of it. I’m probably starting to sound quite abstract and nonsensical right about now, but just try hear me out.

I’m the girl who is still periodically using the foundation base thingy I bought in 2011… yip , and the eye shadow palate I got as a gift round about the time of my 16th birthday… so I won’t expose my current age!  The only reason why I’ve changed mascara frequently is because well … mascara dries up, and eye shadow doesn’t.

I’ve always been part of team: ‘natural look’ , and although I use it, I never really put much effort into my use of makeup- reserved for special occasions. If you ever asked me why I wasn’t a regular makeup wearer; I’d probably mumble something along the lines of …fake… plastic… Barbie doll…pretence

The sad reality is that part of the reason is that: I was just lazy. Period. Yes Lazy. putting on make-up takes effort and time and dedication. Diligently waking up an extra 10 min early to apply it, and sleeping 10 minutes later so that you can get all of it off your face takes effort.

The other more important part is that I’ve grown up in a society that brainwashed me into believing that wearing make-up is a sign of insecurity and vanity. Makeup is either there to hide all your imperfections and your lack of self confidence, or show the world just how much you love yourself, but in a vain type of way.

I’m starting to pay considerations to the idea that makeup can not only be a confidence booster, but also a step to acquiring confidence by possibly distracting us away from the petty ‘how-I-look’ issues that drain our self esteem. Looking at your perfectly made up face, glowing to perfection with Revlon assisted radiance makes the average girl feel good about herself, even if its just a temporary measure. As women and girls (not sure about the guys), many of us have this ‘curse’ which causes us to have this unwanted ability to turn small issues unnecessarily  into big nagging issues.

Lets take dear old Plain Jane. Plain Jane has a small patch of hyperpigmented skin on her cheek. A birthmark. Not easily noticeable as it is only one shade darker than her complexion, and it does very little to alter her general looks; yet it irks her and makes her worry about people’s reactions to it. She pre occupies her mind with whether or not people notice it when standing close to her, and avoids talking to people at close range with this absurd fear of being ridiculed for having a small hyperpigmented birth mark on her cheek.

The point I’m trying to make with this poorly thought of example is that, a simple temporary measure of putting on a bit of that blemish stick or foundation would erase all this unnecessary anxiety and make Plain Jane feel slightly more confident. Could it really be so bad?

I’m about to find out. Like any other 20 something year old woman I’m plagued with my own bucket load of insecurities, one of them being a relatively low-ish self esteem. Today I’m challenging myself to take up a one month of makeup challenge. this consists of wearing make-up whenever I go out shopping, to work, dinner or lunch dates with friends for one month. Gym is pardoned 😉 .  Whether its mascara, lipstick and/or foundation… something that compliments or highlights my features has to be worn. No masquerade like paintings of my face will be indulged in, just basic simple makeup with a little edge now and then… event specific though.

The whole idea is to see if I get the speculated :’ confidence boost’. I’m hoping that by ‘hiding’ my petty imperfections temporarily, I can free my mind of the time I spend worrying about how other people view them, and indirectly feel more confident behind my slight veil of make up’. Hiding behind anything is never viewed as a good thing, but rather than see it as ‘hiding’ lets view it as taking a break from societies criticisms. Plus… plus … looking good on the outside naturally makes us feel good on the inside

I’m not saying that I believe wearing makeup can transform your life, but I’m simply saying that every small nudge in the positive direction goes a long way.

So here it goes. I’m taking a chance and arming myself with red lipstick, mascara and foundation and lots of make up removal wipes. Cheers to my month long affair with makeup.